When I was young and just a bad little kid
My momma noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a B B gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussy cat and bash its head
That's when my momma said
What did she say
She said My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist
Be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain
Pain
Son, be a dentist
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane
Inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist you'll be a success
Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque
Watch him suck up that gas, oh my God
He is a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis De Sade
Oh, that hurts, wait, I'm not numb
Ehh, shut up, open wide, here I come
I am your dentist
Goodness Gracious
And I enjoy the career that I picked
Love it
I am your dentist
Fitting braces
And I get off on the pain I inflict
You really love it
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid
Ooh, bicuspid
It's swell, though they tell me I'm maladjusted
Dentist
And though it may 'cause my patients distress
Distress
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know that my momma's proud of me
Oh, momma
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success
Say aah
Ahh
Say aah
Ahh
Say ahh
Ahh
Now spit